Asking for Help
How do you feel about asking for help?
Me, personally, I hate it. Asking for help can be tremendously hard for so many reasons. And yet, there are some times in our lives when our health and happiness could be drastically improved by doing so.
If you need a little nudge to get past the mental barriers that stop you from asking for help, try these mantras. They’re great reminders that help is out there and that you are worthy of receiving it!
Now let’s talk about how we actually do it!
1. Be specific and clear: Often, when we’re at the point where we need help, it feels like it should be obvious to others. Let’s spell it out for them and take out the guess work. PS we’re also more likely to get exactly what we need! Try to avoid words like “more” or “less” and use actual terms, times, quantities… E.g. “Can you straighten up more?” vs ” Can you empty the dishwasher, wipe down the counters, and take out the trash?”
2. Consider timing: Consider if this is a good time for your point to be well received. Also, consider your “emotional temperature” and if it’s conducive to making your request in an effective way. For me, I know I often end up asking for help when I’m already frustrated and it doesn’t always come out so nicely lol. I’m working to ask for help when I’m calmer!
3. Request rather than demand: Some of us fear that “asking for help” can sound demanding. Stick to words of preference/ request such as “could you, I’d love if you would, can you” rather than requirement such as “need, must, have to.”
4. Sharing how this will impact you: This is a great way to increase engagement from the “ask-ee” and build motivation to be supportive. My husband is much more likely to help out with dishes if he knows it will support me in feeling caught up on work (hence more relaxed) than if he thinks I’m just asking him to help because I’ve judged he hasn’t done enough today.
5. Don’t apologize: You have every right to ask for help. Others can deny our request, and that doesn’t need to stop you from asking.
As a bonus, it’s always great to validate and use positive reinforcement to make it more likely for our request to be granted and repeated!
