3 Tricks to Embracing “Enough”

So much of “enoughness” is based on our experiences and personal definition. How do we define having enough food? Or enough diapers for a weekend trip to the shore? Or enough pizza for a party of 15 guests? (If you’re from Jersey, the answer is at least 7).

Seems like a pretty benign question to ask.

However, when we start trying to judge if a person is “enough,” we get into deeper water. In parenthood there are so many opportunities to question ourselves if we’re being a “good enough” parent.

For me, I know this usually comes at night. I put my son to sleep, crash on the couch, and look out to a play room overflowing with thrown books and cars, dishes in the sink stacked to the ceiling, baskets of unfolded laundry…

I start to feel like I’m not doing “enough.” Or I’m not doing a good enough job. Or I’m not trying hard enough. Or I’m not capable enough. Or I’m just not enough.

If you ever find yourself in the same boat, here are some tricks. First try using a skill called Third Person Compassion. Ask yourself how you are defining “enoughness” and then consider if you would hold someone you love to that same standard.

If the answer is, “hell no! I would never tell my best friend she needs to get the kids fed, all laundry done and put away, pump 3 full freezer bags of milk, and get back to her pre-baby weight before she’s deemed “enough.” That’s so mean!!!” then maybe it’s not healthy to hold ourselves to that same standard.

Another tip is to explore the following:

Lastly, when in doubt, there’s so much power in having a good positive affirmation. So many people turn their noses up to positive affirmations because, and rightly so, when they aren’t something we can believe, our brain just brushes them off as something silly! Here’s an example:

In the moment of chaos when your baby is screaming hungry, wont latch, and the precious small amount of breastmilk you make is just running down her face, you feel like hell.

If you try to use a positive affirmation like, “I’m the most capable breastfeeder in the world. Breastfeeding is so natural for me,” your brain will nearly literally roll its eyes and toss the sentiment out. Although the phrase is designed to help you feel like “you got this” and be motivating, affirmations that feel disingenuous are disregarded by the brain and can re-affirm beliefs that we in fact do not got this.

Affirmations work best when they’re a phrase that’s realistic! When they’re something our brain can latch (pun intended) onto as a true thing about ourselves. In the above scenario, maybe it’s “I’m dedicated to feeding my daughter… I’m trying my best and that’s all I could ask of anyone… I’m a good mom because I’m willing to keep breathing through this tough situation.”

When in doubt, or if you feel like it’s really hard for you to believe you’re enough, please call us. We would love to walk you through some of these skills and help you feel that the capable mom or dad you are!