My Story

I remember my first postpartum panic attack very clearly. 

About 8 weeks after giving birth to my son, I had returned to working out at OrangeTheory and was thoroughly enjoying a hardy push pace on the treadmill. I had been jogging and getting back to running speeds for the past couple weeks and felt great to be able to open my stride up a little. My son was safely at home with my mom and my husband. I finally felt like I was starting to feel like myself again.

Then, for what seemed like absolutely no reason, I had a sudden, unbridled need to get home. My heart felt like it was about to burst, my blood roiled under my skin, my vision started to tunnel towards the exits. I quickly slammed my hand down on the emergency stop of the treadmill and, without breaking stride, ran off the treadmill, out of the studio, and into my car. 

I sat shaking and crying in the car unsure of how to even operate it. I felt like I was blacking out and couldn’t breath. Thankfully I was able to call my husband.

“What’s going on? Isn’t your class only half over?”

“I don’t know what to do,” I gasped to him between breaths. “Panic attack. I’m having one. What do I do?”

“Wait, what? Huh? You’ve been a counselor for like ever. Of course you know what to do,” my husband responded in a truly confused and concerned way. 

After realizing that in that particular moment, I was not joking around and genuinely could not navigate myself through the anxiety, he helped me breathe and regain control. I’ve never had a more humbling experience. 

On my drive home, I was in disbelief that this happened. I had never had a panic attack before. I had not experienced any other symptoms of PMADs. I am a mental health provider with hundreds of clinical tools to manage situations exactly like that. Yet there I was, unable to help myself, sitting in my car crying in front of a Jamba Juice.

After this experience, I realized that if this could happen to me and leave me totally disarmed, what must the experience be like for those without mental health training? I brought the question back to my village. I reached out to all my mom friends, mom groups, new moms, and old pros. Nearly every mother I heard from expressed the same thing: it’s hard and I never would have gotten through it without help. 

I am not alone. You are not alone. 

As soon as I accepted that this was not my fault, that PMADs do not discriminate, and that up to 1 in 5 women will experience it, I was able to get the help I needed.

Now, with my own experience paired with my clinical background and training, my goal is to help all new parents navigate the joys and struggles that come during the perinatal period. I could not have gotten through the first 6 months post-partum without my mom village. I’d be honored to be apart of yours.